If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me... -- Dorothy Parker

"An American critic, satirical poet, and short-story writer, Dorothy Rothschild Parker (1893-1967) is remembered as much for her flashing verbal exchanges and malicious wit as for the disenchanted stories and sketches in which she revealed her underlying pessimism. Starting her career as Vanity Fair's drama critic (1917-20) and continuing as the New Yorker's theater and book reviewer (1927-33), Parker enhanced her legend in the 1920s and early 1930s through membership in the Algonquin Hotel's celebrated Round Table." (quote taken from here)

Today is Dorothy Parker Day. (as in, it's her birthday. This explains the timing of my tribute) I have to admit I wouldn't mind being described as a woman capable of "flashing verbal exchanges" and one who possesses a "malicious wit." There is something endearing about a woman who defied conventions in her words and in her life. This is not to say that I have anything against "conventions," but let's face it, those who refer to them usually expect others to adhere to them. It is with that notion that I disagree. I was looking for new quotations to post on my wall at school and I stumbled on this list of goodies. None of them are really "school appropriate" in the "conventional--I'd like to keep my job--sense" but they are great fun.

• I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.

• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

• It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard.

• You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

• This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

• If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end -- I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

• The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

• Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.

• There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

• Ms. Parker's response to her editor's complaints over a late piece: "Too fucking busy, and vice versa."

• I had been fed, in my youth, a lot of old wives' tales about the way men would instantly forsake a beautiful woman to flock around a brilliant one. It is but fair to say that, after getting out in the world, I had never seen this happen.