Monday, February 11, 2013
With that wretched, Hallmark holiday right around the corner--more commercial than Christmas--I think it's appropriate to post this amazing TED talk about connection and vulnerability. My good friend Sara was sharing some insights from it last weekend and I knew I had to watch it and Brown's even more recent TED talk on shame.
Brené Brown is a researcher who's explored these ideas for more than 12 years.
One part that really resonated was when she talked about "wholehearted people," those people who have a strong sense of worth and belonging, as having three commonalities in their stories:
1. courage (This is not the same as bravery --it's being willing to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart-- the courage to be imperfect)
2. compassion (To be kind to themselves first and then to others)
3. connection (This is a result of authenticity-- being willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were.)
And when it came to vulnerability... they fully embraced it. What made them vulnerable made them beautiful. The willingness to say I love you first. The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. To invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.
All of this makes me look at my own life, the decisions I've made and the things I've loved and respected and inversely loathed in others. The word authentic strikes a chord because I know that is a word I used to draw on... "being real." I'm all about "being real."
Brown talks about leaning into the discomfort and I can summon memories of conversations that have certainly done that. But for me much of that continues to be measured. What I know I can handle. It's all very interesting and I find myself there again in many aspects of my life.
My friend Jes has been exploring her spiritual and emotional journey through her running and I find myself dipping my toe into that same zen space. My friend Emma has done similar things in varying ways. Both of these women write about it in ways that challenge me and encourage me. Now Sara pointed to me and said... you are doing this. This vulnerability thing. And I guess I am. I am trying to be my most authentic self and I know it's not always comfortable and I can be plagued with self doubt, but I am also experiencing a wonderful kind of peace.
Watch the TED talk. See what you think. If you want more. Here's a link to her one on shame.http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html